


Be

by ChElFi



Series: I Don't Dance [17]
Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 30 Day OTP Challenge, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Day 17, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Nothing explicit, Past Abuse, Spooning, Triggers: Infant death, nothing specific
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-17
Updated: 2014-09-17
Packaged: 2018-02-17 18:36:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2319332
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChElFi/pseuds/ChElFi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If Steve could take every ounce of pain Maria has suffered away from her and put it on himself, he would, but life doesn't work that way so he will content himself with holding her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: OK, so this story is part of another story, basically the next story after Strongest Weakness, so it might feel as if it ends abruptly, though I did change it so hopefully it doesn't. I probably won't get around to posting this story until some time in December, though, as I intend to take NaNoWriMo seriously this year so I will not be posting FanFic during the month of November.
> 
> The background for this story was originally referenced in Suffering is a Guarantee, Happiness is a Phase. I don't think you have to read that story (this was in chapter 3) to get this, though, unless you want to be especially depressed today. :)
> 
> The title is taken from the Plus One song.

Steve held Maria tightly to himself as they lay on the bed. Spooned up against her back, he usually slept better; that's what he'd learned in Austria. Tonight, however, sleep refused to come. He was relieved that Maria was finally sleeping, though. He didn't think she'd slept for at least a week, not well, at any rate. The stress of this trip had been eating her up, she had been so afraid that what he learned in Chicago would change his feelings.

Steve sighed and placed a kiss on her shoulder, then he nuzzled his face into her hair. His hand brushed against her lower abdomen and he could feel the scar there through the fabric of his t-shirt she'd worn to bed. He'd always been able to feel her scars. When they danced, he felt those on her lower back. When they kissed passionately his hands would wander across her back, as he tried to keep them from slipping to where he desired, and he could feel the one on her upper back, and the other on her shoulder. He'd never told her before Austria, because it never mattered to him.

Maria was a beautiful woman, anyone with eyes could see that. Even when her face was hard in unbending resolve, you could easily see her perfect features, but when it melted into a smile, softening all those hard edges, it was even more breathtaking. The perfect curves of her body Steve had memorized with his eyes until he could pick her out of a crowd easily. He was aware they drew the attention of other men wherever they went.

But it was never her physical beauty that had interested him. It was her kindness, first, and he knew people would scoff if he told them. But she was first kind to him, unlike all the others around him. She was the first to treat him like an ordinary man, not a science experiment or an object of gratification. She had been the first to truly understand his feelings of displacement. He'd known that as soon as he walked into the apartment she'd set up for him in DC three years ago. Everyone else had wanted him to "get used to" all the changes. She had somehow known that some of the changes were too much.

After that it was her strength, her control in an out-of-control situation. Her voice sure and strong during the attack on the Hellicarrier before the Chitauri invasion, her calm demeanor as he pulled her up after she nearly fell to her death, her refusal to give in to the enemy even under the duress of torture.

Steve swallowed down the fear that immediately rose to his throat at that last thought. He'd watched the video recovered from her captors when he and Sitwell had raided the compound where she was held. Two years later, nausea still formed in the pit of his stomach at the thought of the scenes of brutality.

If anyone deserved something to go right for them once, it was Maria. Her fears had made her run from him, he would just have to prove to her that they were unfounded. She had the idea that he deserved better than her, but Steve had argued he could never find better. And that unless death took him before her, he was going nowhere.

Closing his eyes, he breathed in her scent deeply and tried to calm himself. It was going to take a long time to help Maria feel confident in their relationship. Trusting him was not the same as knowing she was worth his love. The past weeks since they'd returned from Italy had shown him that there was often more to love than he'd thought.

When he'd started dating Maria, he'd sought to correct the mistakes he'd made with Peggy. From the beginning he'd made sure Maria was aware of his feelings, he never wanted there to be any doubt. He hadn't understood her own insecurities. It was foolish, really, to think she had none and that he alone struggled with such things. But now he could see he'd thought the same of Peggy. Both she and Maria exuded confidence in a manner that made it appear natural. But, knowing Maria better now, he wondered if Peggy hadn't had similar feelings. They'd never talked about their lives outside the war. Steve really hadn't known Peggy. What had driven her into a role so far outside the accepted norms of their day? Had she insecurities she'd masked the way Maria did?

Slowly, light brightened around the curtains opposite the bed, filling the room. Then he began to hear the increased noise on the street below and out on the lake. After several more minutes, Maria began to stir. He wasn't surprised, even when she fell to sleep late she never slept much past dawn.

He smiled at her as she shifted in his arms and turned to face him.

"Good morning," she said, and tucked her head under his chin as she snuggled up against him.

Steve sighed again, this time happily, and reached his hands up to run his fingers through her hair.

"Sleep enough?" he asked, then placed a kiss on the top of her head.

He felt her nod her head.

"You?" she asked, and Steve was certain there was a smile in her voice.

He almost lied then, for her sake. But wasn't that why everything fell apart in the first place?

"Not really," he said, then nearly regretted it when he felt her stiffen.

"I had a lot on my mind," he continued, hoping they could talk it out.

"Yeah?" was her only reply.

"Yeah," he said. "Like how amazing you are."

She pulled away to look dubiously at his face.

"Don't believe me?" He smirked.

Her face softened slightly and his kissed her forehead. He shifted to lay on his back and she rested her head on his chest, her left hand where he could reach it.

For several minutes they were silent. Steve continued to run one hand through her hair, while the other took up her hand. The ring pressed against his palm and the feel of it made him smile.

"I'm glad you brought me here," he finally said. "I know it wasn't easy but it means a lot to me that you trust me enough to tell me what happened to you."

Maria didn't say anything in return and Steve was fine with her silence. She'd told him enough yesterday even before she'd said a word. He pulled her more tightly to him as he recalled walking through the cemetery to the small grave marker.

_There was a name, and only one date, and that was enough to tell Steve volumes about Maria. He'd held her tightly as he choked back the tears._

_Afterwards, they sat on the grass and Maria slowly unfolded the story of how Melissa came to be. As she spoke, he remembered Phil's admonishment before the two left for Chicago._

_"There are some things we can't avenge, we just have to learn to live with the pain."_

_Phil would have known about this. It would have been in Maria's medical records. If anyone could have found the man who'd done this to her and dole out the justice he deserved, it would have been Phil._

_There wasn't much he could say when she finished, so they sat quietly, Maria in his lap, leaning sideways against his chest. Steve felt stupid now. He'd shared painful stories with her, but nothing in his life could possibly compare to what Maria had suffered. He'd lost everything, to be sure, but to gain and lose a child in the manner in which Maria had seemed far more horrible._

_They'd gone back to the hotel for lunch and had remained in their suite, the "do not disturb" sign pushed into the key card slot. There were no words to say, so he held her and hoped that would be enough for her to feel secure._

_By dinner she had felt good enough to leave the room and go out. They dined, but didn't dance, and the only real conversation was with their eyes. Though he did remind her that nothing that happened, nothing he'd learned, changed the way he felt about her._

_She'd seemed relieved and before they could order dessert, Steve noticed that her body was finally succumbing to exhaustion and ordered her back to the hotel amidst her half-hearted protests._

_She'd changed into yet another t-shirt she'd stolen from him and Steve's eyes were wide when she walked back out into the sitting room._

_"My boxers?" He chuckled and shook his head as she shot him a feigned challenge with her eyes._

_"How much of my clothing do you have?" He asked._

_"Not telling," she smiled._

_Steve was relieved that visiting Melissa's grave seemed to have removed a weight from Maria's shoulders, and part of the wall she'd maintained between them since they'd started dating._

"I should probably get a shower," Maria's voice interrupted his thoughts and he almost laughed at the contrast of her mundane comment with his memories of yesterday.

She moved to sit up but Steve leaned her back onto the bed and began to kiss her. He stopped and pulled away before control slipped away from him.

"I'll order breakfast," he said.

He rolled onto his back and watched her walk to the bath, repeating his mantra that November wasn't that far away.


End file.
